You are not defined by your children

There we were… at VBS. I was a leader (wrangler) of a small group of kids. I barely had control. And there was my kid. LOSING HER MIND. I had asked her to go play the game for rec. You would’ve thought I had poked her eyes with hot coals with the way she was carrying on. Honestly, at that moment, I was considering giving her a quick swat on the bottom… but she hadn’t really disobeyed, she was just being a child who was having trouble adjusting to our new environment – and her daddy being deployed. The looks I received from the other leaders made me want to crawl under the nearest rock. I was sure they would ask me to leave that day and not come back the next one. Surprisingly, they let me stay. 

Fast forward some years, and I was now beaming with delight as this same child was performing in a voice recital. She did an amazing job and her energetic personality showed through her expressiveness on the stage. She had definitely found her happy place. The other adults were again looking at me, but this time it was with looks of approval. 

The lesson I learned through these experiences is that I am not defined by how my children behave. 

• Having a child who struggles academically or socially doesn’t make me a bad parent. It simply gives me areas to work on and improve. 

• Having a child who melts down because life is HARD at the moment doesn’t mean I have failed. It means they are human – and gives me yet another opportunity to show them grace.

• Having a child who excels in multiple areas doesn’t mean I am a success. Instead it means God blessed them with multiple talents. 

• Having a child who is compassionate towards others doesn’t mean I did it all right. It means they have a tender spirit and notice others around them. 

As much as I would like to take credit for all the good in my kids and blame other relatives for all the bad, it doesn’t quite work that way. Our job as mommas is to guide, teach, nurture, and direct our kids. If we have done that to the best of our ability, then the meltdown on aisle 3 doesn’t define who we are – it gives us another opportunity to teach and/or bestow grace.